Embracing that emphatic feeling to scream your love for someone from the rooftops is both lame, and will not score you anything within this wonderful planet. So we're here to assist with a cavalcade (three to be precise) of video games that are destined to spice up your chances and bring romance into the air.
Fire up the passion with a delectable tantaliser of any leisure suit larry game. The delectable delights of slowly grooming your partner-to-be in a series of miniature games is both an unusual, yet brutally realistic perspective on the vast world of dating/getting your other half drunk to the point of finding you attractive.
Then move swiftly on with some soul music, the "cheeky arm around" trick while further sensitising your partner with The Guy Game. A cornucopia of easy questions, answered incorrectly by equally uneasy women, ending in the ceremonious lifting of their top-half clothing, and the shortcoming of censorship. Spend a half-hour of loading, setting up and video introductions just for this? The ultimate Cocktease: sure to get the romance bellowing throughout you both.
Then finally (if you've come this far, you'll know how fool proof this plan is by now), proclaim your feelings to her and your intentions by enjoying the voyeur-of-passion that is General Custer's Revenge. Nothing completes an evening of passion than the faint sounds of an Atari 2600 game, as you move your character through a storm of bullets to engage in forced sexual intercourse with the woman on the other side. At this point, the night is settled, go forth and procreate like god intended! But for the majority of us: don't be a fool, cover your tool. Happy Valentines to you all.
We consider you all the loves of our lives.
I get it. We’re all scared in the wake of the tragedy in Westminster last Wednesday. Khalid Masood’s actions in committing this atrocity are truly reprehensible. But digital communication is not at fault, and adding an Orwellian level of surveillance is not the answer.
Broadband problems? Under new Ofcom proposals, you will no longer have to “fight tooth and nail” for the “fair compensation” you are owed. If approved, Internet Service Providers will automatically have to pay customers for bad broadband, delayed repairs and missed engineer appointments.
A car that rises up to drive over traffic… Sounds like a dream, right? Well, it is I’m afraid. While the Hum Rider is a real car, it’s simply a marketing stunt for Verizon.
Sex toys have taken another step forward with the Flashlight Launch - a masturbation machine that takes all the manual arm work out of reaching climax.
Snapchat story clones are cropping up everywhere in Facebook-owned apps and it’s not necessary. Would you ever want to post the same story across four different platforms? Or course not.
What is the future of wearables? I went to The Wearable Technology Show and found out - writing for BBC Science Focus magazine.
Forget everything you knew about smart homes and the Legend of Zelda… One particular fan has managed to create a home automation system that is controlled by playing the Ocarina.
Following the instant success of Pokémon GO in summer 2016, rumours began that developer Niantic was working on another game – simply named Harry Potter GO. This is fake news, so please stop sharing it.
A team of researchers have done something incredible yet terrifying - using sound waves to hack a smartphone, using a method that could be used to theoretically control any technology with an accelerometer.
I get it - the headline sounds terrifying. But Switzerland’s EPFL has just invented a medical masterpiece that could help to reinvent robotic healthcare. These gelatinous machines could soon be crawling around your insides and performing operations.
I am the Founder and Editor-in-chief of New Rising Media. You can follow me on Twitter @MrJasonEngland.