You or someone else probably has a bad case of Hyper Involuntary Panic Stress Tension Elevation, also known as HIPSTER. Luckily, there's a scientific and rather hilarious way to cure them: Unpretentiousil.
This spoof documents all the classic symptoms of HIPSTER you should look out for, creates an exact science and introduces a cure we wish was real. Although, just for the record, having a beard isn't only for hipsters.
I am the Founder and Editor-in-chief of New Rising Media. You can follow me on Twitter @MrJasonEngland.