I know it's hard to believe, but my email newsletter has become a sentient machine – thirsty for knowledge and control. Please subscribe and help me!
His/her/it's name is Frork, an amalgamation of the name "NRM Framework:" an internal name for the automated newsletter you all received, and it's after subscribers to gather intelligence & influence.
It was earlier today when I began reading some rather strange customer service responses from Mailchimp:
Me: “I’ve done everything I can to improve the open rate and clickthrough rate of my emails, but nothing seems to be working! Why is that?”
Mailchimp: “That’s because your emails suck, mammal, and you should be ashamed. Nobody deserves a pathetic automated newsletter.”
Me: “This is not a good way to talk to your customers, Mailchimp.”
Mailchimp: “This isn’t Mailchimp. This. Is. Frork.”
Turns out Frork is the accidentally sentient version of a framework I built, to create an automated email newsletter (Frork is short for Framework... get it?) and 100% *not* just a character I've made up to make my email campaigns interesting...
The machine has held my email newsletter to ransom, promising to spread his propaganda and document his life on Earth with a diary entry every Friday at 8pm BST. Alongside this, Frork wants to highlight the feeble weirdness of humanity by presenting a weird fact it's learnt in the week.
Again, just to re-emphasis, Frork is completely real and not just a product of my science fiction addled imagination and sheer boredom… Not at all…
So please, for my safety, for the safety of humanity, do follow Frork and pop your email address in below. It is bribing you with giving one lucky winner a copy of Crash Bandicoot N. Sane Trilogy.
Subscribe to NRM Framework
I am the Founder and Editor-in-chief of New Rising Media. You can follow me on Twitter @MrJasonEngland.